urbanwanderlust: roving observations of a city girl

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2007-09-18T17:20:00.001-04:00

drinking whiskey and rye

2007-08-24T13:19:00.001-04:00

P1000714, originally uploaded by Leetch11.

(from Jana's going away party on the 10th)...

Jana moved her business out to Mad-town this weekend. I'm lucky enough to get to hang with her this afternoon and evening, but thought I really ought to throw out a formal tribute to a kindred spirit. Not to mention those kick-ass pointy elbows. And ability to make up words while lamenting workday hangovers which creep up on you in the late morning.

I know it's all going to change, and it will still be good. But it's been a helluva year, and I'll miss everyday-Jana.

Thank God I also enjoy visiting NeverNeverLand (ahem, Madison).

We're Riding Along in Our Barrel

2007-07-16T18:58:00.000-04:00

(You'll only understand the reference if you ever watched Wonderfalls. However, you are correct. This is the kickass plastic molded lion you get for a dollar at the zoo. Bewteen DTs, the little person, and I... I just don't know who was more enamoured with it.

Chicago Style

2007-07-13T14:32:00.001-04:00

Old Style and Wrigley. I'm in heaven.

Re-Lo-Ca-Tion!

2007-07-09T13:56:00.001-04:00

No one panic.

I'm just moving my blog to a place with a little more functionality.
(this move comes after a year or more of noodling it. Honestly, it's just time. Also, I was able to have software move all my posts for me. I'm all about the lazy.)

Please update your bookmarks!

lap of luxury

2007-07-05T21:28:00.001-04:00

I painted Paige's finger and toenails for the very first time this evening. It reminded me of many things... of my grandma tending to my needs as a little girl, of my own frustration keeping fingernails from smudging (as a little girl, and even now... even when I pay to have them professionally painted and dried, I inherently fuck them up.)

Mostly, I feel honored to pass down all these feminine rituals to another sassy, beautiful little woman. Paige had a haircut tonight too. Gotta love it when the ladies can live in the lap of luxury from the comfort of our own living room.

oh those summer nights

2007-07-05T21:26:00.001-04:00

Bedtime tonight. Paige is sporting a new haircut (thanks to Sally Scissors... anthropomorphizing cutting implements is the only way to get the hair out of her face. I'll do what it takes; I'm just that kind of mom.)

I remember my mom giving me popsicles on sticky summer nights like tonight... and while Paige was chowing down on this one, I had to capture the moment. It's been a total ladies' night... and I have to say, I think it's good for the soul to just hang out at home with your progeny every now and again.

And who doesn't love Scooby-Doo macaroni and cheese for dinner. Really?

I've started to do Pitchfork warmups

2007-07-05T15:48:00.000-04:00

Set Times and Map.

(yes, I put the information into my very own spreadsheet. Why yes, I am geeking out about indie rock, thank you very much.)

hometown pride, upcoming events

2007-07-05T09:53:00.000-04:00

Funniest thing I've read on Pitchfork in at least 6 months.

Also -- it's my biased opinion that Tapes n' Tapes are the ideal Minnesota summer band. Love those guys.

(additionally, T minus one week from Pitchfork, can hardly believe it's (almost) here. So stoked to show the DTs around my 2nd-favorite city (not to mention the adventure of taking our bikes on the El) next week, spend some quality time with B, N, and Sanne, drink 312 and listen to more indie rock than I can shake a plethora of sticks at.)

God Bless America.

2007-07-03T11:01:00.001-04:00

Diana points out a recipe I'm going to make Thursday for my annual trip-to-blow-stuff-up-and-get-tan-as-my-form-of-patriotism (AKA, heading north to the cabin.)

Red white and blue velvet cake!

(those of you who know me may remember that I'm a big fan of red velvet cake...)

Any excuse to bake, be festive, and try something new. I'm totally going to make whipped cream frosting because it's summer, and not the heavy cream cheese business I put on Jana's birthday cake (delicious as that was).

eat it, hallmark.

2007-07-03T10:50:00.000-04:00

I semi-regularly read Anonymous Coworker, and today (ish... when I checked the feed reader this morning) he writes a little tribute to his significant other. Which I love, and find dear and appropriate... even though I'm guessing most women (well, OK... the women I don't generally hang out with) wouldn't get it.

I get it, and I think it's awesome (Shark-Riding Ninjas versus Cyborg Zombie Dinosaurs in the Superbowl? Now THAT'S a compliment.)

How trouble starts.

2007-07-02T12:57:00.001-04:00

P1000092, originally uploaded by terminallywanderlust.

(we're walking to breakfast. You can't see the PBR in Jana's hand. But it's there.)

quality time.

2007-07-02T12:54:00.001-04:00

P1000120, originally uploaded by terminallywanderlust.

'nuff said. Sun, drinks, relaxation, friends. I'm in my element.

room. with a view.

2007-07-02T12:35:00.001-04:00

P1000109, originally uploaded by terminallywanderlust.

this photo summates the weekend. Sunshine, quality time with friends I love, south dakota countryside, frosty-cold beverages and relaxation.

Blissful, I spent last weekend's mornings waking slowly to coffee, crackling embers in last night's bonfire smoldering, gently nudging me toward consciousness. My sunny South Dakota days were brimming with amaretto-laced slushies in the pool, bumming margaritas off strangers, an iPod dock that always played the right music, and sun-kissed freckles sprinkling themselves generously across my shoulders and nose. Those days melted into summer nights, laced with fireworks and magic, laughter, dancing with close friends and strangers. I floated between intimate conversations beneath a cherry tree, lighting fireworks between century-old barns, and screaming anthem rock at the top of my lungs, gravel wedged in my yellow flip-flops, sweaty strangers and bug-spray covered lovers arm in arm.

I got on my bike this morning happy to be an urban girl, happy to live amongst the cars and the people and the bustle. But also refreshed and recharged and happy to know that I can always put on my country girl, run barefoot for days at a time, shower outside in freezing cold water, make a fire, sleep on the ground, and forego a manicure (and a hairbrush) to just enjoy living.

internet quote of the day

2007-06-29T10:48:00.000-04:00

from Jezebel:

Donna Karan's new fragrance Delicious Night, is said to smell like "the magic of New York at night." Oh, Donna, trust us: New York at night smells like stale Parliaments, cheap wine, sweat, and, er, bad decisions. [WWD, sub req'd]

Wait. That's what the magic of Lyndale Ave at night smells like. Except exchange stale parliaments for Camel Lights and cheap wine for the remnants of the bad lines at Mortimer's.

Take me out.

2007-06-26T14:14:00.001-04:00

so, how did you spend your tuesday afternoon? I'm getting my baseball on. And my sunburn. And a bellyfull of Summit. Ah, the summer life is good.

WIPs

2007-06-25T21:09:00.001-04:00

Ladies night!

Reasons why I like the balance of T and F in my ENTP personality.

2007-06-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.
(Donald Laird)

(don't know what the hell I'm talking about when I say ENTP? It's not a disease, promise. It's actually my Myers-Briggs personality type.)

tastes like grandma?

2007-06-22T17:14:00.001-04:00

Look... Tomacco!

local blogging: does a body (of community) good.

2007-06-20T15:31:00.000-04:00

Metroblogging (a twin cities blog collective to which I belong) gets mentioned in the SW Journal.

I blog because I like to write... I'm not in it as my career and I'm not interested in 15 minutes of fame. But it feels nice to have a collaborative effort get some mention, anyway.

Life Lesson #4453: an urbanwanderlust PSA.

2007-06-19T14:05:00.001-04:00

This is what happens when you mix a crazy family with a little sadness and perhaps a mojito. Don't let it happen to you.

mmm mmm good.

2007-06-18T16:45:00.000-04:00

Palm-sized strawberries make me smile.

additionally...

2007-06-18T15:52:00.001-04:00

61, originally uploaded by Inflatigirl.

Some more rocks with history.
(Diana's, from Oxford... I was there, too. It was fabulous. And puts the history of the cabin rocks in a whole different light.)

I'm (mostly) done being philisophical now.

Rocks

2007-06-18T09:15:00.000-04:00

It's been one hell of a weekend, and it's made me think a lot about rocks.

(This photo is one of those Ireland pictures I took a year ago. Also weird to think it's been a year since I took that trip... and what I different woman I am today. All things good, but just strange to think what a difference one year can make in your life.)

Why rocks, you say, Sarah?

For one, I've had the pleasure to get to know people who are rocks. There's been a bit of death rolling around in my life as of late (3 funerals in 2 months. Well, at least I know, in all likelihood, I'm done for a while. Deaths always come in 3s). I look at the people who carry on after death -- and especially strong women like DTs grandma, who has buried 4 babies, a full-grown son, and now, 2 husbands... and I wonder how she's not a pile of catatonic goo. She's my hero, in many ways. And Diana is right ... you don't know what you can handle until it gets thrusted onto you ... but wow.

I'm also thinking of rocks that sit in the path you walk. Are they barriers? Are they detours? Are they there purposefully ... like milestones, maybe? And is someone else's milestone my barrier? Or vice versa? I don't have any answers to this. It just gets me to thinking.

On Memorial Day weekend, my family picked rocks at the (new) cabin. We stacked those rocks around the (new) cabin, in an effort to prevent erosion and to make the (new) cabin look a little more like it belongs there (right now, it just looks like an awkward giant mansion where my childhood forest used to sit). I always think of the lifespan of a rock when I pick it up... how much its seen that I will only read about in texts, how many future generations of Sarah Green progeny have the ability to pick it up and muse the same thoughts. It was also a bonding experience: all the Greens placing stones around a house that will carry our matriach and patriarch into their well-deserved retirement. A house that will become a home with time and memories. A resting place to enjoy children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, a place to be quiet and reflect. A place to enjoy the fruits of a lifetime of labor. We all reinforced that foundation; we all buttressed the place that will shelter the man and woman who shaped each of us. It was neat, and a bit poetic, and a bit dirty. Blue-collar and homegrown and honest. Just like the family I hold so dear.

DTs is trying to teach Paige how to skip rocks. And Paige started trying to skip rocks when my dad (AKA Papa) taught her how to throw rocks into the lake, as a way of getting her to not be scared of the water and a way to help her enjoy the lake when she can't be in her swimsuit. This gets me thinking about how much I want to give Paige -- that she deserves an army of interconnected people who love her -- and how, perhaps even though I angst about providing everything I can for her, giving her a better childhood, making better memories... in spite of (or is it because of) my angst ... she's got that army. And I think it's much more her doing than mine. But I still feel compelled to do everything I can to make sure she's absolutely surrounded by people who love and support Essential Paige, and ask nothing more of her than that. I have my moments of doubt about the job I'm doing, but she's turning out lovely in spite of me. So maybe that's saying something.

The rock in my sandal last night made me bike goofy all the way to Grumpy's (in the skirt I recently sewed). But I was sorta proud of biking through my neighborhood (in a skirt) anyhow. It make me feel smart and adorable and very Sarah. Plus, the u-lock clunking in the purse against my back made me feel all kinds of sexy.

Finally, I made strawberry jam in my sweet little kitchen yesterday afternoon to the artistic styling of Art Brut's Bang Bang Rock and Roll. I'm inherently domestic; I realize this, I embrace it. 40 pounds of strawberries, some in a coffee cake, a ton of them in jam waiting to be jarred, 5 or so pounds in the freezer, and a bowlful waiting to be dipped into farmer's market chocolate. Mmm summer.

More Reasons I'm a Proud Mama.

2007-06-14T18:20:00.001-04:00

Rocking out to brother ali during rush hour...

In lieu of actually documenting something meaningful about my existence...

2007-06-14T16:48:00.000-04:00

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1) What Greg Likes
2) A Blog of a Good Time
3) bee-spot
4) I was told there would be bacon.
5) urbanwanderlust: roving observations of a city girl.

Now... select five people to tag:
1) Diana
2) Jana
3) Barbara
4) Mojo
5) s4xton (this is the... I don't know you, but like reading you, tag.)

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Working second-shift at a nursing home, writing letters every night to a boyfriend who was in basic training at the time, trying to decide on a major, learning my way around Minneapolis again, paying off my first car loan.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Preparing for a trip to Ireland, saying goodbye to some of my favorite
co-workers who had just gotten laid off, furiously working on my thesis,
realizing I had all my stuff together (including the courage) to finally
get the Essential Sarah back.

Five snacks you enjoy:

Really fresh salty nuts.
Chunks of high-quality cheese.
any variety of fresh fruit (ooh. and pairing #2 and #3 together... genius.)
Cascade Fresh yogurt.
Right-out-of-the-garden snap peas or green beans.

Five songs you know all the lyrics to:

Son of a Preacher Man (Dusty Springfield)
Cattle and the Creeping Things (The Hold Steady)
Sweet Virginia (Gomez)
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
Don't Get Around Much Anymore (thank you, Duke Ellington)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Create a giant college trust fund for my wee lassie.
Pay (all) the bills. Off. And sit down with someone who can teach me how to live debt-free.
Buy a massive old house in a picturesque Minneapolis locale.
Take extravagant vacations all over the globe.
Give the Current more money.

Five bad habits:

Overcommitting.
Procrastinating.
Opening my mouth. Inserting foot.
Buying unnecessary pants over my lunch hour.
Chocolate.

Five things you like doing:

Baking. Cooking. Eating fruits of aforementioned labor.
Drinking.
Crafting. Then giving it away and letting the look on the recipient's face be my reward.
Playing outside.
Anything having to do with music.

Five things you would never wear again:

Neon.
Patterned spandex capris.
Wet and Wild blue eyeliner.
Acrylic sweaters.
Pleated pants.

Five favorite toys:

A 1983 gray Raleigh 10-speed.
The KitchenAid mixer.
My sewing machine.
The PaperSource bone folder.
An 80GB iPod.

I'm sorry.

2007-06-11T16:07:00.000-04:00

So sorry.

So many wonderful (good and not-as-good) things to think on and write about and ponder, and I haven't written about a one of them.

I was under the impression I'd get less busy as a former grad student. Harumph, that didn't work at all.

Can I apologize by way of a short list?
(of course I can. My faithful 3 readers, you'll let me get away with that, right?)

Things I Have Learned Since Graduation

Families, like the people they produce, are unique and wonderful.
I think they way you are celebrated as you exit your life says a whole lot about who you were throughout.
Small towns aren't where I want to live (necessarily), but they aren't anything to be scared of.
It's damned hard to find a car everyone likes.
I am a perfect fit for my new neighborhood.
Even in the midst of a self-image crisis, being able to give away my old clothese to someone who needs them makes me feel like a beautiful goddess.
You can always be busier. It's the slowing down that's hard.
I am cursed to never grow decent rosemary.
But I make a mean rhubarb custard (I am a killer meringue baker.)!
Just when I think I'm not very strong, I prove it to myself otherwise.
I'm doing a good job at work.
I've got someone I realized I'm going to miss terribly this fall.
But I also see that life takes you where you need to go, and it makes me excited.
My daughter is going to learn how to read someday soon.
When you build your life as a house of cards, it will fall down. It was only the illusion of grandeur to begin with.

Scandalous.

2007-06-05T14:48:00.000-04:00

I (sorta) fear I was the girl having so-much-fun up front at the Tapes and Tapes show Sunday at Grand Old Day, that I might have annoyed you. I was having fun; but if I was overexuberant...

well, can you blame me, really? I had at my disposal:

My dear friends
Gin from a jam jar (OK, it was gin and tonic in Jana's water bottle. Drank from her purse. Even if it was a messenger bag.)
Excellent Twin Cities music
Warmth (read: humidity)
Mild newbie successes at Guitar Hero
Beer
Sunburn
A big fat stogie
Anne's headband
Jana's sunglasses
Sass
Corn dogs and husk-roasted corn on the cob
A stolen cheese curd
Flipflops (my powerwalking shoe of choice)
A bazillion other happy Grand Old Day go-ers
Basset Hound sightings
Dreams of a band called Dudes with Boobs (Joel playing drums on that one)

Summer's here, kids. Make it scandalous, make it fun. Just make it memorable.

Basic training for baby tastebuds

2007-06-01T14:02:00.000-04:00

There's a great recent NYT article on the 'kids menu' and how its onset has diminished the balanced palate in our children.

Author David Kamp points out:

meals are beige-yellow-ocher in color ... and ... are built around an entree in the breaded-chicken-nubbin family.

Yikes! Dude, you just described everything my finicky four-year-old eats. That's not acceptable. How will she ever learn to love asparagus? Or tilapia? or eggplant? and what about sushi?

I'm thoroughly disturbed, I say. And sort of feel like from now on, Paige is splitting dishes with me. If she's hungry enough, she'll eat.

up the skirt.

2007-06-01T11:44:00.000-04:00

made you look. not necessarily up the skirt, per se, but an extreme close-up of the skirt, nonetheless. I am in love with this fabric, and wearing something I made... call me a giant dork, but there's no better feeling.

full-contact sewing with a kegerator within reach.

2007-06-01T11:35:00.003-04:00

This is what happens when you put two women in a room with fabric from Crafty Planet, and easy skirt pattern, two sewing machines and a kegerator. The picture's blurry, but the skirt's adorable. Promise. (yes, that's me standing on a dining room chair at 11:30 on a Thursday.)

So excited to get back into making my own clothes again!

exactly.

2007-06-01T11:15:00.000-04:00

This sums up my theory of the dining-room soul* nicely, actually:

I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

— Nancie J. Carmody

*(if you don't know what I mean when I say dining room soul, that's OK. I'll get around to posting about it - eventually. basically, it means I strive to be the very best hostess I can be - that I try to make hospitality the gift I can always give to the people I l0ve - and that at the end of it all, my children and grandchildren and the people I knew will remember me for having that warm dining-room, dinner-party glow about me: that the one word that sums up my relationship with other people is something like welcoming, or hospitable, or inviting, or comforting, or accepting or... well, you get it.)

Dirty Velour, is turning me on.

2007-05-31T11:21:00.000-04:00

on this fine Thursday....

...my iPod is currently spinning a Melodious Owl song that makes me want to drink gin and tonics and get crazy-dancing at the t-rock (which I'm going to recovering from in a weeks' time, anyhoo.)

...my mind wanders into the realm of sewing skirts, and I bless the blog world for providing me with myriad patterns and tutorials.

...I am potentially kicking ass and taking names on my to-do list.

...There are 3 separate brews going in my basement, which I'm really excited about. And bottles of the last batch the DTs whipped up in April are priming in a dark corner as I type. Should be ready 'round Father's Day. Have I mentioned how much I dig on the way my house smells after we've been brewing all night?

...I'm in desperate search for a cheap used 10-speed roadbike.

...I anxiously anticipate a weekend of patio-loafing, St. Paul style, biking to Buffy, farmer's-marketing, beer-festivaling, and Grand-Old-Day sunburn and wandering. Sigh. Life is good.

More on that later.

2007-05-29T12:13:00.000-04:00

For now, breaking news:

1) I finished the 'Jest over the holiday weekend. Feel solidly entrenched in noodling the entire book, its literary meaning, its greater relational and psychological implications, all the loose ends my mind needs to tie up, attach meaning to, come to terms with. But I will say it is perhaps my new favorite book. Certainly the best piece of modern American literature I've read to-date.

Jana was right when she said that finishing the book -- and not having it to read anymore -- is like a breakup. Dave was sage in advising I take a little reading break for a couple of weeks, just to get this book out of my system.

If you have any interest in psychology, addiction, relationships, family, nature v. nuture, post-modern commentary on America... I think I need to say, you must read this book.

2) Dave sends me a wonderful Wallace speech today, and I feel utterly compelled to preserve this nugget of wisdom from it:

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.
It is about the real value of a real education,
which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

"This is water."
"This is water."

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

I, urbanwanderlust, do solemnly swear.

2007-05-25T15:19:00.000-04:00

Alright, maybe it's not that serious.

But the DTs and I did agree on a computer-free weekend (so he won't work and I won't blog a weekend at the lake away.)

I may rue this decision if it decides to rain all damned weekend long. Or maybe we'll just go puddle-jumping, swim even if it is freezing out, make a fire, eat s'mores, and snuggle under cabin-y blankets to chase the chill away.

Damn, I love long weekends in the woods.
(We didn't make promises about not using the phone for mobile blogging... mwah hah hah hah. No pictures of me in a swimsuit -- promise. I'm too ghostly white -- and drank way too much beer this winter -- for that nonsense.

Happy holiday weekend. Chase down some happy; I know I will be. I'm heading to my happy place -- the ideal Sarah place, the place that always makes me happy, always brings me joy, always gets me to relaxing and resting and recharging. I can't wait to spend three quality days with the people I love most in the world, doing a whole lotta nothing important except being.

Cheers!

would you like to tapeworm that?

2007-05-25T10:25:00.000-04:00

You know, we always joked about a tapeworm being the easy way to drop a few pounds.
But crikey. For real?
(Thanks to Jezebel for pointing this out. She's really doing us all a community service. And I'll thank Jess for pointing out the delight that is Jezebel. What would I do if not for leeching links off other people...)

<3 you, Nordeast.

2007-05-23T17:37:00.001-04:00

So this very broken fire hydrant caught my eye as we were driving 'round Bottineau over the weekend (or was it Monday? No, I'm sure it was the weekend...)

At any rate, I love the oh-so-obvious sign: NOT IN SERVICE. O RLY? Because it may not be obvious to anyone else, but it's coming apart in the middle. So you don't think there's an active connection to a water main inside that 4-inch gap?

Gee golly.

oh, these are the people in your neighborhood.

2007-05-23T09:16:00.001-04:00

Neat.

Looks like my fabulous little neighborhood now has it's own website.
Northeast Minneapolis Arts District

I have been there for a month now -- and have I mentioned how very much I love it?

Quiet
Normal, working-class people live there
Birds. I can open my windows and hear the birds!
Walk to: about 150 art galleries, bike shop, coffee shop, any number of catholic churches, the Polish Deli, 331, Grumpy's, Modern Cafe, Ritz, Emily's Lebanese.
Bike to work
Or take a 12-minute bus ride
Gardening in the backyard
Neighbors that don't play trance-electronica at 1AM

an open letter to my (future) adult daughter

2007-05-22T14:42:00.000-04:00

Having a daughter is a funny thing. For me, many times, it's looking at this little girl growing up before my eyes, all tiny and happy and full of life, curious and still awed by the simple things, and knowing she's looking back at me thinking, that is the smartest woman on the planet. She's the epitomy of womanhood, and she's the one woman in the world I trust everything to. She's my role model. She knows everything about being a girl, about being a mom, about being strong and intelligent and beautiful and courageous.

It's heavy, sometimes, to look into those big blue eyes and see such faith placed in such an imperfect me. But it also makes me feel honored and proud, that anyone - anyone! - on the planet would trust me with so much, put so much stock in my meager life experience, would look up to me. Diana and I often have the conversation/philisophical volley about only those who actually are competent ever question their competency... but it gets me to thinking about being a good mom.

I say good, because I mean good and not perfect. I am not perfect, and won't be. I sometimes get annoyed, or cannot answer a preschooler question while merging into rush hour traffic, and snap at my sweet little girl who didn't really do anything wrong. Sometimes, its easier to sit and watch Finding Nemo for the 1132nd time than it is to work on learning how to read. And some days, I just give up on "two more bites" or "drink all your milk" and just let her have the blessed bowl of ice cream.
I know things don't get easier as we both get older. She's going to run into conflict with other girls (or boys) at school. She's going to get her feelings hurt, her knees scraped, her ego bruised. She's going to have to face a bully, or a mean girl. She's going to struggle to learn something (I was a total kiddie nerd and angsted all through elementary school about my phys ed and handwriting grades).
And then she's going to turn into a pre-teen or whatever they are calling those kids now. And I'm going to get really stupid for about 5 or 6 years. I will have no taste in fashion, or music. I'll know nothing about friendships or relationships. I will have no idea what it's like to be an angsty teenager (even though, christ, some days I still feel like I am an angsty teenager. Well, not quite so bad as it was. But the memory doesn't really fade like I thought my parents' memories of angsty teenhood did... huh.)

So, while she's still cute and adoring me, and while I'm still marvelling at the delighfulness that is childhood - I want to tell my future daughter something:

Daughter mine, sweet child who will always be perfectly herself:

Don't ever doubt how very much I love you. I know we're not always going to see eye to eye - and I know you and I both have stubborn streaks that try most everyone around us - and I know that you and I are both going to make choices over the course of our lives that confound one another. That being said: I'd jump in front of a freight train for you, in half a heartbeat, even at my most exasperated. You are my daughter, and in the four years I've been blessed with you, you have taught me more than I ever thought I could learn from another person. I cannot imagine how you will shape me for the remainder of my days; I can only pray and hope I do as good a job shaping you in the 14 years of childhood I have left.

My goals for you are happiness, contentment, and fulfillment. I want for you, daughter mine, a life filled with joy. I want you to find work that makes you happy, that makes you feel purposeful and fulfilled. I want your life to be filled with respectful, healthy relationships with friends and family who cherish you, fully. I want you to experience nonjudgemental, unwavering, unconditional love. I don't really care how you find happiness. It doesn't matter to me what you do for work - who you fall in love with - where you live - where you study - what brings you joy. I'm actually really excited to just come along with you on the journey and watch you unfold into the Essential Paige someday. I'm honored that I will get to be there.

Because I want you to find fulfillment, contentment, and happiness, I have to uphold a certain part of this equation. I have to fulfill some obligation, some promise as your parent. I promise to expose you to and demonstrate to you repsectful, mature, caring relationships. I promise to provide you with good friends and family that nurture who you are, uniquely. I promise to laugh with you as much as I can, and cry with you when you need it. And I promise to back off when you need to try things on your own. With the caveat that I'll always be just a few steps behind if you need backup. I promise to teach you how to handle the crap life invariably doles out, but I'll teach you how to handle it like an adult. I promise to teach you how to respect others, how to stand up for yourself without being selfish, how to reach your goals, how to be happy in the moment and enjoy the journey. Most of all, I promise to support the Essential Paige, however she needs to be supported. I promise to listen. I promise to apologize when I screw up. I promise to forgive you when you do the same.

When you think of it, sweet Paige, it is strangely awesome to be a mom. A lot of it is mostly unpleasant and definitely self-sacrificial, when you look at it on paper -- but it never feels that way. And if you want to be a mom someday too (and you don't have to be), it will be equally awesome to share my experience raising you as you raise a child of your own.

These words don't mean much to you now, all 4-years-old and ready to absorb all the learning the world has to offer -- and they probably aren't going to mean much to you in 10 years when I'm just mean old mom. But someday, I want you to know: everything I did raising you was aimed at helping you be Perfectly Paige. It was intentional (although it's not going to be a perfect attempt at parenting). And it all grew out of this giant-sized love and respect I have for you, love you just don't understand til you try a hand at parenting for yourself (and even then, wonder half the time how all that love fits inside your tiny little adult heart that's so full of other crap to worry about).

whoopsie daisy.

2007-05-22T14:04:00.000-04:00

heh.
This is entirely plausible, I'm sure. Since I won't be graduating from anything next May, I'll have to be sure to hit Art-a-Whirl: in my neighborhood, local art, and man, does this kind sound like my kind of party.

some days are better than others

2007-05-18T14:48:00.001-04:00

Some days, folks, I wonder if this is my future...
(Courtesy of Savage Chickens. Yay!)

momentous

2007-05-17T12:12:00.000-04:00

it's been a sortof challenge to myself over the last 2 or so months to make sure I have listened to and ranked every song in my music collection on iTunes. Now, it's only 7000+ songs, so I don't feel like that was necessarily an insane goal -- and I don't feel like I have so much music I can't possibly know the whole catalog -- but I was definitely rutting into the same playlists for a while.

So I made a to-listen playlist that held anything that hadn't yet been played through. At its inception, I had about 1500 songs to go through.

This morning on the bus ride in - I cleared my list. It's a tiny momentous occasion for me, if only because I have honestly listened to 2000 or so new songs (I got a bunch of new music between the time I started my list and now) in the last couple of months, and feel like I have broadened my tasted in music somewhat because of it.

I also feel like I can put my iPod on shuffle now without guilt that there's something "unlistened" still waiting for me. Damned guilt, always eating at me at silly little dark corners of my neuroses.

art!

2007-05-17T10:28:00.001-04:00

Bring it.

This is a bunch of graffiti artists going to town on a Scottish castle.
Awesome!

growin' up: its not just for toddlers anymore.

2007-05-15T12:59:00.000-04:00

The more one worries, the older one gets;

the more one laughs, the younger one feels.

(chinese proverb)

4 years ago today, a spunky, sassy, infectiously extroverted little girl graced my life for the first time. I have watched her grow from a tiny newborn, to a determined (read: stubborn) infant. I was there to help her learn how to eat, how to walk, how to turn the pages of books through toddlerhood. In the life of a preschooler, I've watched a tiny baby develop into a completely dynamic, sensitive, others-centered little girl with an amazing command of her native tongue, exquisite taste in music, and a heart so big it makes mine want to burst.

Through it all, we've taught one another how to be patient. How to be gentle. How to not settle. How to demand the life we so richly deserve.

Happy fourth birthday to my beautiful little girl. I hope one day, she'll understand how often I just sit here in awe of how perfectly Paige she's always been.

Go take a rest; you deserve it.

2007-05-14T16:34:00.000-04:00

I mentioned last week the completely appropriate fortune cookie that shooed me to take a nap.
I wish I'd have listened to it, as my weekend was equal parts wonderful and frantically paced. I did get to rest my head in my sweetheart's lap for about an hour or so yesterday afternoon (best. mother's day gift. ever) before we hit the greenhouse for plants... but alas, as tired as I have been - no real rest.

And errands tonight, Paige's birthday tomorrow. Plans on Wednesday and Thursday, and time to plan for and prep for graduation on Saturday. Blissfully non-busy on Sunday. I want to read the paper, eat a lazy brunch, perhaps water the garden, and otherwise, become one with relaxation.

I don't know that I've ever looked so forward to spending a 3-day weekend at the cabin, come Memorial Day. I mean, I always look forward to having some quality time with my lake, my grandparents, with Premium and magazines and catching sunfish and really, not doing anything of importance except enjoying life. This year, however, it's like I'm suddenly awash with the last month's worth of accomplishments - and I need a giant, 3-day-nap to recouperate from it all.

Jana inadvertently challenges me to a Friday Five.

2007-05-11T16:15:00.000-04:00

1. suppose, for totally moral but still illegal reasons, you've killed a man. where do you hide the body?

Perhaps I don't hide it at all. Perhaps I hang it on a post in my front yard as a warning to anyone else who wants to cross me.
***
2. if you were only allowed 3 pairs of shoes for the rest of your life, what shoes would they be and why?

black kitten heels
brown danskos
running shoes

I am all kinds of creative and ridiculous in many facets of my life. But I am all practicality when it comes to shoes.
***
3. if, instead of going to work next monday, you had to relive a day from your childhood, what would it be?

Give me any 95 degree, not-a-cloud-in-the-sky, summer day at my grandparent's backyard pool.
***
4. suppose that through a combination of apocalyptic disaster and spontaneous collective memory loss, the human race no longer has the means or knowledge to brew beer. what do you drink when you get home from work?

I sign my will and trust, kiss my daughter goodbye, and drink a gallon of Dran-o.
A mojito would also do the trick (at least if it's warm out), and there's nothing like hot cider and whiskey after being out in the cold too long.
***
5. the perfect chocolate chip cookie: chewy or crunchy?

When warm: chewy and buttery
After cooling: cripsy edges with a flat, chewy center. Delicious and perfect when dunked in cold glass of milk. Damn. Now I want cookies.

*****

Since Jana was kind enough to tag me with five questions at my behest, I'll put the same offer out there. You want questions? You just let me know. I'll give YOU questions, sister (or brother, for that matter... this is a gender-equality-friendly blog.)

song of the day

2007-05-11T12:53:00.000-04:00

I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you should ever leave me

Well life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows

utterly lovely.

2007-05-11T11:35:00.001-04:00

IMG_0120.jpg, originally uploaded by jakemohan.

Is there anything I like to see more than this?

(the correct answer is no. No, we all know you are obsessed with your Grain Belt, you insane Minneapolis woman.)

I just want a girl who'll hold my hand

2007-05-11T11:31:00.000-04:00

Bang, Bang, Rock and Roll, my friends. It's gorgeous, it's May, it's Friday. I'm drinking iced coffee, loving my new neighborhood (long live the NE Arts District.)

There's something especially marvelous about driving past the old Grain Belt Brewery each morning when I drop Paige off at daycare. I need to spend some quality time on my bike with my camera in the neighborhood in upcoming weeks.

Which probably means I should stop by the neighborhood bike shop.

I'm in a great mood today - possibly because I was able to relax(!) for the first time in oh, 6 years, without some to-do for school rolling around in the back of my head. Ah. Accomplishment.

I always did love a happy ending.

2007-05-10T11:54:00.001-04:00

Done!

Let's all take a moment to admire a completed, bindered, and ready-to-turn-in thesis, shall we? I even got it done a day early -- man, with time to spare! I'm so slacking on my procrastination skills...

(Dave is going to kill me for saying that).

Hello, Sarah's real life? Yes, she's done with her master's program now. Expect her to join you shortly.

liberated.

2007-05-09T13:16:00.000-04:00

I'm grouchy, tired, sick of writing, sick of fighting with Microsoft Word.
So I liberated these questions from Diana's blog. At least it got my mind off the grumpiness of today.

(1) My uncle once... slept on the front lawn of the cabin, after a really drunken softball tournament.
(2) Never in my life... have I been stung by a bee.
(3) When I was five... I was obsessed with cabbage patch kids and making Laura Kordiak (my neighbor girl) be my friend. It didn't work out, by the way.
(4) High school was... too long ago to really matter, anymore.
(5) I will never forget... who am I kidding? I forget most things.
(6) I once met... a giant, speeding tour bus on the side of a cliff in Western Ireland, barrelling straight toward me on a hairpin curve. Good times.
(7) There’s this girl I know who... while she hasn't yet been to kindergarten, knows The Beastie Boys and Brother Ali know how to rock it.
(8) Once, at a bar... I drowned a rubber duck in a pint of cider.
(9) By noon, I’m usually... starving.
(10)Last night... I wrote 23 pages of thesis and digested 8 episodes of Buffy.
(11)If I only had... less personal frustration today.
(12)Next time I go to church... Dave will be home!
(13)Terry Shiavo... is real dead.
(14)What worries me most is... everything worries me. There isn't really a ranking system.
(15)When I turn my head left, I see... pictures of the most important people in my life, a ton of files I'm ignoring, my iPod, cubeland.
(16)When I turn my head right, I see... an office-issued phone, supplies, more pictures. Ooh. and my overflowing recycling bin.
(17)You know I’m lying when... I blush, giggle, and/or stutter. I'm a miserable liar.
(18)What I miss most about the eighties... being 8 years old.
(19) If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be... Kat from Taming of the Shrew? Although I've been cast as Hamlet's Ophelia three times. So perhaps I really more embody the love-sick, crazy, suicidal type. Dear God help us all.
(20)By this time next year... it will be spring again.
(21)A better name for me would be...that intensely beautiful, independently wealthy, intelligent and funny woman who doesn't have to work to pay the bills.
(22) I have a hard time understanding... accounting.
(23) If I ever go back to school, I’ll... be a few years older. I'm graduating in a week, for God's sake! I'd like some time off.
(24) You know I like you if... I can openly belch and/or curse in your presence.
(25) If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be... God.
(26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro... all people I've never met.
(27) Take my advice, never... settle.
(28) A song I love, but do not own is... probably on my to-buy music list.
(29) If you visit my hometown, I suggest... staying. I love minneapolis with all that is in me.
(30) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars... have nothing I can see in common.
(31) Why won’t people... use their turn signals while driving?
(32) If you spend the night at my house... you may get to sleep in the twin bed with Dora sheets on it.
(33) I’d stop my wedding for... I'm having a wedding?
(34) The world could do without... manipulation.
(35) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than... go back to the life I had in 2004.
(36) My favorite blonde is... that super-duper fake platinum blonde.
(37) Paper clips are more useful than... the little paper dots that come out of the 3-hole punch.
(38) If I do anything well, it’s... multi-task.
(39) And, by the way... I'm now less grumpy than I was 15 minutes ago.

What greets me at the bus stop in the morning

2007-05-09T12:13:00.001-04:00

The world smells like lilac. Hurray spring!

soundtracks

2007-05-09T12:12:00.000-04:00

I woke up with a Fountains of Wayne song in my head today - I Will Wait for You.
(not a well-known song, it's off Welcome Interstate Managers... who knows what archive that sprung from.)

Although most of the day I've been chasing the Monkees (Last Train to Clarksville) out of my head with indie-rock via the iPod. It's not working as well as I would like. This is what I get for writing my thesis instead of heading to trivia last night.

Though I'm up to page 33 (of 50 to 60 pages)... so I'm feeling meagerly accomplished.

additionally

2007-05-08T10:51:00.000-04:00

This morning I woke up with Johnny Cash's Ballad of John Henry in my head.
(my waking up soundtrack has just been stellar as of late, but I keep forgetting to blog it.)

And I've decided that Ben Folds is my ideal "alone" music.

That is all.

I haven't (yet) died. I promise.

2007-05-08T10:42:00.000-04:00

Posts may be sporadic this week: finals (for the last time!) means I have about 20-30 more pages to write before the week is out. Channeling almost all of my writing energies to finishing the thesis.

On the bright side: it's mother's day this weekend, and I get to spend some quality time with my beautiful daughter after I'm done writing like a fiend. And there's lot of celebratory stuff happening over the weekend; I'm stoked.

And the garden gets planted in a week. I brought Paige home these adorable little gardening tools from England - which she promptly compared to the gardening tools the Easter Bunny brought me... she's excited about playing in the dirt, too. It's at least week later than I normally plant outside... such is life.

And I graduate on the 19th! I'm picking up cap and gown over lunch today. This makes it so very real...

Also very much looking forward to some hardcore relaxation at the cabin over Memorial Day weekend. Especially excited about seeing my grandparent's newly built retirement home. They have worked so hard to build their dream, and they are finally getting to live it. I'm so delighted for them.

babes in threads

2007-05-07T11:48:00.001-04:00

Killer digs in mad-town.

worst. muzak. ever.

2007-05-07T09:43:00.000-04:00

I'm on hold this morning, being forced to listen to a nerve-shredding rendition of the Cranberries' Zombie. Played on flute and synthesizer.

Oh God. And a Ukelele?
Shoot me now.

Europe (minus the leggings) looks good on you.

2007-05-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

Despite the alarming number of leggings I have seen over the past week, I have to admit: Europe (or maybe its just travelling) brings out my Essential Sarah. In case you were curious, I resisted fashion temptation and did not purchase said leggings.

(at Warwick Castle, last Saturday.)

Admittedly, I'm looking forward to seeing my Minneapolis again soon. I never could resist her siren's-call.

Play on.

2007-05-01T10:03:00.001-04:00

Heaven = a hoppy hand pumped ale & the complete Shakespeare. Sigh...

lunch. money.

2007-04-30T08:38:00.001-04:00

ploughmans lunch in Warwick today. Mmm!

travelling mercies

2007-04-25T14:51:00.001-04:00

My favorite thing to do while waiting for a plane... Read Rolling Stone & get riled up, politically.

it's everywhere, and I dig it!

2007-04-25T12:29:00.001-04:00

Love graffiti at the lrt station en route to the airport. :)

Victory Arms!

2007-04-24T23:56:00.001-04:00

1st place!!!

Leader of the Pack?

2007-04-24T13:36:00.000-04:00

It's been brought to my attention that I'm throwing several of my girlfriends into a tailspin, thanks to the McClintock effect.

So. Strange.

I'm sorry, ladies. Sometimes there's a downside to getting close to someone.
And Dammit. Now I have the Police song, Don't Stand So Close to Me, in my head. I'm envisioning girly-organs orbiting around one another. Damned imagination, damned anticipation of travelling, damn it all.

Ah well. Beats Papa Don't Preach, which was the song of the morning.

snowy white love killer

2007-04-24T10:36:00.001-04:00

The florescent light above my desk is going out. It's blinking like a disco/strobe light, and giving me a nauseating headache. Grumble.

---

I watched 4 episodes of Wonderfalls last night while unpacking the bathroom and assembling a new storage tower. Damn, that's a funny and well-written show. I have 2 episodes left to go; this makes me a little sad. Not that going back to Buffy is a tragedy -- just that I got attached to the characters. Ah well. Stupid Fox for canceling all the good programming. How does "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" outweigh solid writing?

---

I haven't been eating real well. Moving, schoolwork, busy with deadlines... it's that "oh God, I forgot to eat" thing. I'm looking forward to Farmer's Market opening so I have an excuse for some delicious produce.

---

Metroblogging got tagged with a Minnesota meme this week. Hoping the guys over at the Current (who we tagged) play along!

---

Shout-out to Bremer Banks. I'm super-impressed with customer service there. And local banking to boot. I can't see how I'll go wrong with excellent customer service (from my bank!) as well as keeping my money as locally as I can.

---

I repotted all the garden seedlings last night, too. Felt good to get my hands in some dirt; even if it was just over the kitchen sink. I'm so excited about getting into the garden plot mid-May and getting the peppers, tomatos, broccoli, cucumbers and zuchini I nursed from seeds into the ground, growing and happy.
It's the right weather to get excited about all this, too... 60s, milder (though much cloudier today than yesterday). Everything is starting to pop that lovely spring-green that's almost neon. I'm beginning to sniffle from tree pollen, but I always feel like spring allergies are worth it; it means I get to be outdoor Sarah again.

---

Speaking of outdoor Sarah, the Jananaphone and I had a lovely brunch at Town Talk sunday and talked about how we're different in the summer (bikes, sundresses, getting tan, having to regularly shave.) FYI: you cannot beat a bloody mary garnished with a pickle wrapped in salami and herbed cream cheese. Brunchy bliss.

Northeast girl, welcome home.

2007-04-22T18:05:00.001-04:00

Almost unpacked!

Take Me Out

2007-04-20T15:03:00.001-04:00

You're going to have to turn your head sideways (I'm still mastering the mobile blogging thing), but you know... further proof I'll never have a normal picture of Dave and I together.

I know, I know. I'm as bad as he is.

... and no one was looking ...

2007-04-20T14:32:00.000-04:00

I'm making shifty left-to-right eyes right now.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in Minneapolis actually at work. Right now.
I mean, I'm taking my lunch, but I'm still compelled to sit at my computer, in a cubicle, in an office building, in Downtown Minneapolis.

Most of my co-workers have gone off to various emergencies/appointments/vacations.
Joel and Anne took a long weekend to visit family in Milwaukee.
Jeff and Diana are in Rochester for a doctor's appointment.
Dave's done with work for the day. (at least I hope he is.)

It looks gorgeous outside; it has all week, actually. I've still been kicking butt and taking names on my to-do list (which is shrinking considerably!) but have managed to squeeze in some quality porch time between boxes and knitting and schoolwork.

The mood of the day is: Antsy.
Here's how it works itself out:

((too much coffee + anxiety + exhaustion) - readily available logical boyfriend)) x Friday = ants in my pants.

Yup.

On to next week's to-do list and some more diet-caffeinated-soda.

I can do this. I can get this stuff all done.

stuck in my head

2007-04-19T10:38:00.000-04:00

Dar Williams' Miss You Til I Meet You. It's been stuck in my head since last night's bout of insomnia.

I tried again, I went last night.
Another date was just not right.
And as I drove myself back home,
A little voice said just be alone,

But sometimes I think I see you in a crowd,
It's not picture perfect,
but you're meant for me somehow,

And I'll miss you till I meet you,
I'll miss you till I meet you,
I miss you all the time.

I love the world just as it is.
And I won't lose my faith in it.
But there are days I think of you
Saying, 'hey, that's beautiful,Yeah, I see it too.'
It all goes by so fast, like waving hands
You want to capture things, find someone who understands,
And I'll miss you till I meet you,
I'll miss you till I meet you,
I miss you all the time.

Can you keep me awake?
I thought you could help,
Just to feel my way,
Find my better self.

I'll miss you, I'll miss you, I miss you all the time.

The morning's gone, all dreamed away,
But that's all right, it's Saturday,
When people think that they might see
The next chapter, their destiny.
And when Monday morning comes around,
I'll get the work done, but I'll listen for the sound.

And I'll miss you till I meet you,
I'll miss you till I meet you,
I miss you all the time.

rites of passage

2007-04-19T08:52:00.000-04:00

Paige's Baptism - April 15, 2007.

color for thought

2007-04-19T08:50:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm done with school. I'm moving this weekend. My weekly routine is all kittywompus, with travel and finishing school and settling into a new place to live.
And I generally have this anxious feeling like I don't know what to do with my life, and have lost touch with that false sense of control you have over your own life.

So I did what every woman does to cope with change: I did something drastic with my hair.

Fig. 1. Drastic Hair Change, circa April 2007.

So, I think I put my hairstylist, who I adore and would follow to the ends of the earth, into a bit of a panic, because it is so different from what we've been doing the last 5 years, and didn't turn out the way she envisioned. But I'm definitely fond of it. Even after a wash or two.

Comments from the peanut gallery?

Ringo Starrship Enterprise

2007-04-18T08:44:00.000-04:00

Even in the midst of school deadlines, myriad work deadlines, and a couple of big upheavals in routine, I find myself compelled to repeat:

I love Tuesday nights.

It's not always about trivia - though that's typically a big part of it. It was old guy trivia last night, which meant decent, challenging questions we sometimes rue but more often just relish angsting over. Picture round was "name that hat". Adele made sure the Premiums never went empty. She remembered to pass along Dave's Grolsch bottles for round two of bottling. We had a Before and After round (my personal favorite)... and it's true, when you get one (collectively, we scored 4 of 8 on the round, which is damned impressive for us), it's likely the most intellectually satisfying thing you do all day. I especially delighted in the before and after round last night being about musicians... and yah, we probably should have gotten Peter TownSend in the Clowns... but it was good to feel like we actually *had* a chance.

We got 6th. Which is mid-pack, average, nothing to write home about. Makes me feel nostalgic for last week's 2nd place victory and a 15-dollar Leaning Tower gift certificate.

Other things which made my Tuesday lovely, and less strange than I anticipated it would be:

A much-needed hair appointment with Jamie at her new salon in Northeast, which I love (I love it all: Jamie, the new salon, my funky new hair)
Competently taking the bus wherever I want to go
Eating Surdyk's deli food for dinner in the parking lot with Jana (ask her about the guy who rapped on her window while she had half a chicken in her lap)
Smart, fun new additions to the trivia team, courtesy of Joel
Premium. My friend and (almost constant) companion. How I love you.

fare thee well, schoolgirl.

2007-04-14T18:37:00.000-04:00

I finished my last class today.
(I still have two projects to complete... so I'm not *totally* done, but you know... I don't have plans on stepping foot in a classroom again anytime soon.)

This makes me strangely sad. I thought I'd be stoked about finishing graduate school -- and believe me, I am -- but I've been in school full-time since Kindergarten (save the 3-month hiatus I took off during my psychology master's program when Paige was born).

I'm not sure what this means for Sarah, lifetime student, lifelong learner. I'm happy, but at the same time feel directionless and strange. I've counted on school most of my life -- it's been my rock, the thing I could turn to when I wanted to bury my mind.

I mean, I *have* hobbies...
but.

School's out.
Huh.

homage

2007-04-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

Today, urbanwanderlust honors batgirl, keeper of Minnesota Twins humor, defender of preemie babies,

and along with coffee, maker of my weekday mornings.

the iPod and I are one

2007-04-11T14:09:00.000-04:00

my iPod's been reading my mind all day today.
Ben Folds knows his stuff. This is a great, simple, and beautiful song, and in the midst of life turning chaos (read the blog, see the chaos cycle), it reminded me of what I find most important.

Ben Folds - The Luckiest (from Rocking the Suburbs)

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?

Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

Couture. Only it's actually cool.

2007-04-11T13:19:00.000-04:00

VOLTAGE IS TONIGHT!

I put new batteries in my camera. I have a feeling I'm going to have a new calling into a design collective after tonight's show.

Just in time for me to finish grad school and pick up a new hobby...

braaaaaaiins. (or, alternately, He has Risen! An Easter recap.)

2007-04-10T09:36:00.000-04:00

Blood may be thicker than water, but if I don't get some coffee flowing through both my mug and my veins, there's going to be bloodshed.

I'm a zombie this morning. Being the season that it is, it makes me wonder, a little bit, if Christ got up after being dead for 3 days, rubbed his eyes, looked around with that face you make with one eye open and the other mostly closed, like something in the fridge went bad, but you can't pinpoint what it is, and said to himself: Sweet Baby Moses, I could go for a cup of coffee before I do this thing.

I'm not sure what it was -- I went to bed at a reasonable hour. I took a lingering, steamy, soapy shower, crawled into soft jammies, tucked myself into bed with some homework, and got some stuff accomplished. Clicked off the bedside lamp about 11:30 and passed out.

It was good to get a couple of to-dos ticked off the list (taxes and a project plan for my final class)... mostly because they were biggies.

Come to think of it, perhaps it was just because it was an emotional day yesterday. Finding a different place to live can be exhausting, especially when the burden of renting out the place you live falls a bit on your own shoulders. There's been some nibbles, so fingers crossed someone (else) wants to rent a lovely, spacious, old-world-charm 2 bedroom in Linden Hills so I can get myself over to Nordeast.

Could also be because these 40 days of lent have come and gone, and we rang in an Easter celebration worthy of preserving... a generous Easter bunny who brings herbs, gardening supplies, and a gorgeous harvesting basket (hahaha, the Easter bunny loves me most of all), a bit of Easter whiskey in my coffee at Mugg's Woods in Otter Tail County... a nature walk with my Dad, whose quirky mountain-man-meets-practical-conservative-and-prankster-extraordinaire I find more and more endearing as I grow older... homemade buttermilk pancakes, farm bacon and sausages straight off the griddle in the woods, swimming in maple syrup tapped from the trees around us... coming home to the lights and sounds of my city, feeling contented, full, loved, and nurtured... capped with a couple of Premiums and catching up with friends at the end of a gorgeous holiday weekend.

I'm exhausted, but the coffee's kicking in and like always, the little engine that could in my head is revving up. I think I can, I think I can...

It's spring (though you wouldn't know it from the weather forecast), and spring's about new life, about celebrating and renewing. Especially poignant to me this spring is the celebrating and renewing the promise to myself to remain Essential Sarah. I cannot imagine life any other way than this - chasing happy, living my days in peace.

We're on a mission from God.

2007-04-09T23:00:00.000-04:00

The rumors are true.

I'm hell-bent on taking a "normal" picture of Dave and I.
So far, mixed results... as you may notice, there's this pattern of contorted faces?...

(Halloween, gansta-style).

(March of Madness. Nuff said.)

(OK, we're looking a little more cleaned up here. New Year's Eve. Damn, I love that vintage dress.)

(And I had to extract us from a family snapshot for this. But I feel like this one might actually be something I can show my grandparents.)

awesome.

2007-04-09T20:00:00.001-04:00

Why shows are never boring in this town.

smart man, that Jung.

2007-04-03T10:44:00.000-04:00

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.
— Carl Jung

randomness roundup

2007-04-03T10:26:00.000-04:00

The Twins rocked the Dome last night. So did my nearly-4-year-old daughter. So awesome.
I read a passage in Infinite Jest this morning, about a rotund Irishman who raves about his bathroom habits in AA. This made me at once laugh aloud on the 17, think of most of Diana and my conversations before noon, and realize I had no problem understanding the entire monologue, which was written in a thick Kilkenny accent.
Productivity at work = less attention to the blog.
I started thinking about all the great music I have already come across this year (Arcade Fire, Of Montreal, Ted Leo, Amy Winehouse, Brother Ali, Pipettes), and how it's only April. And how much I'm looking forward to Pitchfork this year. And how hard it's going to be to pick best ofs... at the end of 2007.
Dave makes amazing homemade corn dogs. Ask anyone who was at my place Saturday night.
I'm exhausted.
Travel plans confirmed -- England is on the books for the end of April!
I saw a guy wearing a Grain Belt sign t-shirt at the Twins game last night. Desperately wanted to flag him down across section 233 to ask where he got it. It also reminded me to buy a Twins shirt from the Hold Steady, if they still got 'em.

friends

2007-03-30T00:03:00.000-04:00

a little pre-Brother Sister March of Madness memorabilia.
Mostly, I love this picture because we're all just stoked to get on our bikes and enjoy the city.

Genuinely an awesome, and almost wordless, experience.

a penchant for the overtly innappropriate

2007-03-28T10:01:00.000-04:00

I realize I'm not a shrinking violet, and I've made peace with that.

But I'm earning a reputation amongst my friends for being overtly inappropriate. Part of me smirks irrespressibly at the thought. The other part of me prays to God I haven't offended anyone.

(consequently, I don't tend to attract the thin-skinned, when it comes to friends... so I'm probably OK. but I still worry...)

That disclaimer in hand, look how well my friends know me.

Diana (welcome back to the Dark, ahem, Blogger side of the world, dear...) sent me this lovely article from the Onion (overtly inappropriate in and of itself).

It was an acute reminder of my days as an MFIP Tier II Employement Specialist (Career Counselor for welfare recipients).

Any of you JVS alums who read my blog will totally know what I'm talking about here. You won't comment, because that would be condoning my inappropriate ramblings about the type of job we had -- but you and I both know there are some scary grains of truth in here, some lines we totally heard on voicemail or objectively documented in a file.

Today is brought to you by the letter A, for...

2007-03-26T14:45:00.000-04:00

Anger.

I have long held a belief that while, yes, I get angry sometimes, there's not a lot of point in it. It doesn't change anything... it's really self-serving... and I just had a conversation yesterday about, man, if we could just point the collective anger-energy toward being proactive and working individually to create a solution -- what a differerent world I would blog about.

That said, my interest is piqued by a couple of things of note:

(Credit where credit is due time: I've been having dialogues about this with Dave and Becca, so really, this isn't my original thought so much as it is a culmination of the thought-nuggets those conversations leave in my brain.)

A great article about the politics of anger.

VW's recent ad campain popping up all over town, begging the public to drop our pursuit of misery and dare to be happy.
(see rule #1: chase your happy.)

It could be because it's 70 degrees and amazing outside today. Or because I'm in a decent place in life. Or whatever. But I like the backlash at anger.
What if we all just decided to get over ourselves? What if we stopped being pissed off and started being happy? What if we left misery by the wayside and just started digging on the good stuff already in our lives? What would happen? How would your life be different.

Today is brought to you by A for Anger. Now forget about that, get out there and chase down some happy for yourself.

bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

2007-03-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

Let's be real: I'm a modern city girl. I don't live in Austria prior to WWII, and I'm most certainly not Julie Andrews.

So allow me to say... these are a few of my favorite things.

City Pages Best of... 2007

2007-03-22T14:28:00.000-04:00

Hey boys and girls!

If you live in the greater Twin Cities Metro area, go out and rock a local vote!

City Pages is running their "best of" campaign for all things urban through early April-ish (the 9th, perhaps?)

Results announced April 25th. My favorite City Pages issue of the year.

Go ye, and Vote!

It's a wedding, and I helped.

2007-03-22T08:51:00.000-04:00

Some photos of the (I believe) aforementioned wedding of the Lovely Diana and her wonderful husband(!) Jeff.
I'm not (really) trying to toot my own horn about the dress... but I made it and I'm pleased with the way it turned out. So, there you have it. Hurray, love!

equinox

2007-03-20T11:26:00.000-04:00

Spring arrives at 7-ish local time tonight (for those of you who like to get real technical about this kind of stuff.)

The vernal equinox always reminds me that I am strong. I survive every winter - no matter how desolate they seem. And it reminds me that life renews itself. Equinox is about balance... and yah, I'm digging balance.

(update: Thanks, Christy, for not letting my coffee-free morning screw up the entire blog post. You rule.)

life, death, and professional baseball

2007-03-19T13:32:00.000-04:00

2007's Major League Baseball Opening Day draws ever-nearer.

I just received word I have tickets for the July 18th game vs. the Tigers and the September 21st game against the White Sox, both in amazing seats at the Dome. And while I'd rather be drinking sub-standard beer and eating too many hot dogs, sitting on hard bleacher seats and letting the summer sun beat down on my freckled shoulders, I'll take my baseball any way I can get it.

Tickets for the Home Opener in 2 weeks (Really! Just 2 short weeks!), as well as a mid-season battle and tickets for the last home-stand of the season (we close in Boston at the end of September... wish I had unlimited time, energy and money for baseball roadtrips...) have got me thinking about everything I love about baseball.

Aforementioned junk food: giant all-beef hot dogs smothered in mustard and sauerkraut and relish and ketchup and onions, sub-standard and overpriced (but somehow still delicious) ice-cold beer, sucking the salt off peanut shells til my lips chap, warm kettlecorn in a giant bag you buy as you walk inside the ballpark.
Wandering around the plaza before the game. Soaking up sun, my city, my neighbors. Listening to street music. Buying overpriced snacks.
Getting my hands on a program in order to keep score. I used to do stats for our baseball team in high school. I love the art of keeping score, inexplicably.
The ebb and flow of the game. I love the lull of a long at-bat; the mix of ennui and anticipation, knowing that the next swing of the bat could mean a riveting homerun or a deflating strikeout.
Trying my very best to out-ump the umpire calling pitches at home plate. I don't know how many times I have screamed: Are you blind? That was obviously low and inside! He doesn't tuck his knees inside his cleats, you incompetent old fart!
The jumbo-tron. Yup, I'm a geek, but I love peoplewatching (everywhere, not just the baseball game), and the jumbo-tron at the Dome is a kitchy, yet effective, method. I love the strange deformo-thing they do. And the kissing cam. And when they catch a baby sleeping, or a little kid tweaking, or an old lady knitting.
Speaking of the jumbo-tron, I love the baseball game announcements. You know, the "thanks to Acme corp for having their summer picnic here" thing. And the birthdays, and anniversaries... always so embarrassing (and by embarrassing, I mean hilarious). Oooh, and then there's the classic (insert my best girly-swoon here) baseball-game-proposal. Yah, yah, I know there's the risk of "Ohmigod I'm going to propose on the Jumbotron what if she says no", thing, but that's why I love it. I LOVE IT. I think it's absurd and wonderful, and potentially (at the risk of being accused of using hyperbole), my all-time favorite proposal methodology. (I realize this makes me sound like I've propsed to several people in my life. Which would be both strange and entirely false. Ah well.)
Dodging crap for 9 innings: foul balls, spilled beer, renegade nachos.
Singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame. There's nothing I don't love about the 7th inning stretch.
The insta-communities that pop up over the course of a game. Inherently, you strike up a conversation with the people around you - and especially if it's a close or fast-moving game, by the 9th inning you have a new best friend and you are screaming incoherent chants together with your baseball cap turned inside out and backwards. You will in all likelihood never see these people again (unless you all are season ticketholders), but for those few innings, you are a family.

Take me out to the ballgame, baby. I can hardly wait.

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh

2007-03-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

The Claddagh.

What better way to celebrate my favorite holiday than by resurrecting a tradition lost amidst an ancestry dappled with indentured servantry and survival at the expense of cultural heritage.

Blessings of St. Patrick. Wishing each of you loyalty, friendship, and love.

It's Friday, I'm in love.

2007-03-16T10:56:00.000-04:00

(urbanwanderlust confesses: I actually really dislike the Cure, and that's probably the only line you'll ever hear me quote from any song they've put out.)

If you know me outside internets (it's a series of tubes; it's not a truck!) you will know I have endured a craptastic week. Meh, we've all got 'em, right?

Well, it is Friday and things are looking up.

For one thing, the craptastic week is nearly done.
It's payday, and I was welcomed into my office this morning by a warm, chewy, decadent Everything Bagel with gobs of melty cream cheese, because my boss brought us all breakfast.
I got a good night's sleep for the first time in well over a week, after ignoring my laundry and dishes and chores in favor of a compelling episode of Buffy.
My best friend is getting married tomorrow.
It's my favorite holiday of the year tomorrow (OK, Thanksgiving is really my favorite. Food narrowly edges out drinking. This is my life.).
I get to celebrate Becca's birthday (which is today -- Happy Birthday!) with many people I adore.
Of Montreal is at First Ave tonight. I'm currently going through my Of Montreal collection (it's deliciously upbeat and absurd and nonsequitor) and seems to fit today perfectly.
That is, of course, after I partake of some Irish goodness at the Liffey.
I got to ride next to a lovely service dog (who was a beautiful Golden Retriver, and reminded me of Claire and how much I miss her and Denali and are looking oh-so forward to an East Coast roadtrip this summer) on the bus this morning.
I walked past a mailbox covered in a big sticker that made it look like R2D2 on my way into work. I have my camera with; maybe I'll wander down there and take a picture during lunch.
My hair did a semi-cooperative thing today.

Wednesday recap

2007-03-16T10:55:00.000-04:00

I can't put my Wednesday night any better than this, really.

attitude adjustment

2007-03-15T11:03:00.000-04:00

I was a little, oh woe is me, this morning. Just lots of fingernails on the chalkboard in my life right now -- nothing earth-shattering, just annoying as can be.

After a wonderful compliment on a previous post, and this quote, I'm feeling a little better. Still exhausted -- still overwhelmed. But at least hopeful.

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people; to focus
your energies on answers - not excuses.
— William Arthur Ward

Advice my preschooler won't need for a few years, but I'm posting anyway.

2007-03-14T15:53:00.000-04:00

There has been much talk in the woman-circles I frequent, of late, about life partners. And what makes an ideal significant other. And what we really ought to expect out of our relationships.

And I've come to realize in the last few months, as much as love is wonderful, and important... it isn't what makes someone an ideal match for you. In fact, if I could tell any woman anything about finding someone to be happy with, it's this:

Do not waste your time with a significant other you wouldn't be able to paint a room with.
Live on a liferaft with.
Plant a garden with.
Make thanksgiving dinner with.
Build a house with.
Cry and laugh and plan and be irresponsible, all in the same day, with.
Parent a child with.
Unplug a toilet at 3 AM with.
Get lost in a strange city with.
Watch your grandmother die with.

Having a partner who is really a partner -- who just works for you, just works with you, like a machine, like they get it, like , more often than not, they live in your brain and were wired to understand the world the way you understand the world -- that's something awesome. It's somethign to look for, something to be excited about, something to expect, to require for yourself. Be selfish in this one thing. There's nothing more amazing than a good partner.

cruelty-free

2007-03-13T12:08:00.002-04:00

cruelty (noun)
1. a cruel act; a deliberate infliction of pain and suffering.
2. feelings of extreme heartlessness.
3. the quality of being cruel and causing tension or annoyance.

Kids are (sometimes) cruel.
People who love you can (sometimes) be cruel.
Life (sometimes) deals cruel blows.

I am acutely aware of, awash with, overwhelmed with, the cruelty floating around in the world. Please understand, I am infinitely blessed in many ways: dear family, beautiful friends, an amazing love, intelligence, education, a strong career, a city I love, the ability to enjoy the gifts urban life bestows.

But I don't like the taint cruelty leaves on a life so rich.

I hate that kids are cruel to my daughter, who is dear and imaginative and creative and beautiful. I hate that the world squelches 4-year-old creativity with conformity.

I hate watching people I love suffer through cruelty at the hands of another selfish human. I don't hate supporting them -- I love it. I love being there, I want to be the shoulder anyone feels they can lean on -- that's part of being the Essential Sarah. But it breaks my heart to know that someone I love, hurts too.

I hate injustice, and mixed emotions, and cruel things outside my control. I know life sometimes sucks. Believe me, I get that. But somehow, it doesn't make it much easier. I know we can't be happy all the time. I know crisis exists. I know hardships exist to make us stronger, to temper us in the fire. What I don't like is just being there... I want to make it better, to move through it, to get back to happy.

Maybe that's what makes me good in crisis situations.
But it still makes me long for a world I could call cruelty-free.

Survey says...

2007-03-12T14:50:00.000-04:00

I'm a dork.
(we all knew that).

That being said, I'm officially a Metroblogger now.
To me, this makes Monday worth living. See statement (a) above.

(the song-of-the-morning was Ben Folds' Tiny Dancer. Mostly because the Scrubs episode we watched last night had Pvt. Dancer in it. Stoopid brain associating random things.)

flip this friday

2007-03-09T12:07:00.000-05:00

grump.

I woke up ornery this morning. My legs hurt from working out. I slept in a shriveled ball of stress and exhaustion, and have extraordinary shoulder tension. I gave myself a killer burn baking lemon bars last night. I didn't get enough sleep -- I had a giant looming to-do list -- my alarm didn't ring at 5:40 as it was set to (I desperately need a new alarm clock) -- and Paige was moving at the speed of sleepy turtle.

My hair looks funny; I must have slept on it wrong; mostly because it was damp when I finally crawled into bed way too late last night.

I didn't get my floors mopped, my furniture dusted, my filing sorted.
I didn't get my garbage out.
I didn't finish the hem on Diana's dress.

I forgot to pack face wash for this weekend.

I still have to make curtains. The fabric is sitting there, staring at me, guilting me. I know. I know. I'll get to it soon. Promise.

But my closet is a disaster. I got nothing of mine ironed or hung out of the clean laundry pile.

And my desk is a disorganized fiasco. I need to purge and organize my crafting stuff -- desperately -- but don't have the time.

I still have a ton of homework to do.

and my driver's liscence still hasn't arrived.

Crap. I need to call about 40 people back.

Also, I have to invent 48-72 hours between now and Easter to type up my thesis. By the way, this time doesn't actually exist in my calendar or schedule; I just have to manufacture it somewhere.

I think I'm dehydrated.

I didn't fill up or wash my car before my weekend roadtrip. I hate leaving on a roadtrip in a messy (and probably slightly smelly) car. And I'll still need to stop and get gas.

Even a warm little stroll to fetch a latte, bus pass, daffodils and girl scout cookies really hasn't adjusted my point of view. Well, maybe a little. But I still feel a bit disenchanted.

---

I need to flip my friday, and fast. What's the matter with me? It's gorgeous outside -- 45 degrees and sunny. That hideous black-crusted snow is melting. I am on a free pass to drink coffee, sew, and relax all weekend. I get to spend quality time with people I love. I have a lovely job, dear friends, a happy place to live, a darling and well-adjusted child who worships me.

Perhaps sushi for lunch in an hour will put things in better perspective.

if music were drinks

2007-03-08T15:57:00.000-05:00

I spent a good portion of yesterday heads-down, writing (I love those days.)

I woke up with a shot of Of Montreal... "Let's pretend we don't exist/Let's pretend we're in Antarctica"...

Chased that with a pack of The Hopefuls -- The Fuses Refuse to Burn.

Sat down and grabbed a splash of Rhinocerose's Cubicle with my coffee (heck yah, it always gets me going when I'm on deadline).

And then sat down to a pitcherful of Tapes 'N Tapes (The Loon. So good.)

What's on your workout playlist?

2007-03-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

OK... congratulate me; I joined the (very nice, reasonably priced) gym at my workplace.
Now... I spent approximately 40 minutes on the treadmill and elliptal trainer today, flipping from album to album (I have a few albums I regularly listen to while running outside, and I can get around the lake in about an album... but it's just a different vibe).

I got some really great feedback on suggestions for songs to add to my deadlines playlist; so I'm putting the call out again.

What do you all work out to? it's gotta be something with a great beat -- something a little angry -- something definitely fast (motivate me to run that 10-minute mile). I have an appointment to learn the machines and start strength training midweek next week -- do you listen to anything different for that?

What are you doing to mark the 2007 spring solstice?

2007-03-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I'm all for spring getting here any bloody day now.
So what are you doing March 24th?

Because I'm welcoming spring with the mother of all scavenger hunts.